to give thanks

I live life giving thanks believing I don’t need a bad experience to recognize the good that I have. When I was in Jerusalem a few years ago now, I went to the wailing wall in the old city where you pray to god. A beautiful older woman who knew me well said “You didn’t ask for anything did you? You gave thanks”. Yes, I replied, touched by her respect and wisdom in her eyes.

Since my last post I became gravely ill. I had the flu and had to go to bed and sleep with no appetite expecting it to pass in a couple of days. It became increasingly difficult to parent, and my friends started stepping in dropping off shopping, picking the children up from school, making lemon honey drinks. (my husband was finishing up his four months on a project in Europe) So a Dr girlfriend came to visit and took control. My children went to weekend sleep overs and I moved into to her place. My mother was asked to fly in to care for me until my husband booked flights and returned. Seven days no food, symptoms became worse. In the end an ambulance came,I had great medical care with IV for dehydration and I also was diagnosed with pneumonia in both lungs. My mum was amazing and my husband didn’t get the home coming I had imagined.

What threw me the most was due to the lack of food it started effecting my mind with hallucinations at night. I knew that I was in trouble and I needed medical help. What was incredible was the support & love I received. I’m never sick and I’m always doing everything for myself and others. Needing and having to ask for help I found the hardest thing. Even now I do not have the strength nor will to keep the house how I like it. I can’t give my husband the attention I want, nor do I want to ask the basic domestic things of him. Luckily he is capable and patient man and can see how unwell I am, so the fun part will all come in time. I’m looking forward to dates with him and enjoying each others company over wine and dinner. Having him home is exciting, I can’t quite believe he’s in my bed after so long away.

I give thanks for the love and kindness of family and friends and here is a time I need support and it feels good to know it’s here in my life.

Oh and to be getting better. My heart goes out to people that suffer mental illness I could never imagine for what I went through during those nights to be an ongoing condition in someones mind. What a lonely scary place.

So again I give thanks for love, life and wellness.

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