life is like a book.
Some chapters are sad, some are happy, and some are exciting. But if you never turn the page, you will never know what the next chapter holds.
I packed up my life and without saying good bye I left with my children. It’s been three years and I’ve soaked up the simple pleasures of day to day life and focused on cleaning out the negative aspects.
My days consist of happy children, a lovely home, a warm bed with a good man sleeping beside me, laughter, beautiful food, a wine for the evenings, good movies, great music and slowly trying to make new friends. I have the need to create new opportunities to expand my horizons, discovering new experiences and making new memories. Socially I miss my friends.
Twenty years of friendships. Friends that you could pop in to their homes for a catch up over a coffee or a wine. I’ve questioned myself if people genuinely miss me, care about me. I have those key girlfriends who have kept making the effort to keep in touch. I think of them as my coffin carriers.
I heard years ago you only need six friends in life so that they can carry your coffin. Sounds a bit morbid but I think it’s true. Then there’s all your other friends. The ones that don’t pick up the phone and ask ‘how you doing’? If they don’t follow up is it that their life’s moved on and since you’re not there you’re not in their thoughts?
What about the room full of friends that I knew every single one of them at parties? What are they? Acquaintances? I felt they were more. There was the day, about six months after leaving him, I texted out and said I have a few hours to go to my family home to collect whatever it is my ex husband had left behind before it’s handed over to the new owners tomorrow. A huge posse of friends, trucks and cars arrived. We loaded up what was left. They were there for me then. That was impressive. I only had to ask and they were there.
The long duration of my complicated separation consumed my time and energy. It was like living a twisted story that once I achieved one thing another horrendous thing would happen. I’ve realised everyone has their own shit going on. What’s big in my world is not in the forefront of their minds. I didn’t burden people with the details, so they weren’t involved in the craziness of post separation. Removing myself protected them from his evil revenge. But then it meant no-one understood what I was going through.
Life carries on and I’m not there anymore. I suppose it’s a ‘get over yourself’. Figure out what’s fulfilling in life and carry on. I’ve pulled out all the positives, been brave and endured lots. I’m proud of myself and happy for the life I’ve continued to create. But today I miss my friends. Tomorrow’s a new day, new adventures to come, another page in my life that hasn’t been written yet.