Walking into the lions den. Except now I am the lion.

I tend not to vent my feelings about the legal complications of my life to my friends. Each situation feels extremely significant to me. If I was to explain each case matter and crazy issue, which sounds like it’s from a book, they may listen out of kindness. and then shock that it’s my reality. To anyone it would be overwhelming, daunting and exhausting, both mentally and physically. I am brave and proud of how I manage this insane process of high court and family court debacles with the lies and threats from the opposition surrounding the days in court. I may sometimes tire and then feel fuelled not to falter in my battle of his pathetic time consuming antics that he pulls, at the cost of a lot of good peoples time and money. For four years I’ve endured his vindictive insanity.

Today’s a day I need to vent my frustrations…

Bloody hell! My ex-husband is the most complicated, illogical, conniving, vicious, vindictive, controlling, obsessed, mean, vile being. Not a man, that would be vaguely too flattering. He’s just a complete narcissistic abusive shit.

Anyone who deals with him regrets it, he infuriates everyone. There is some comfort that I’m not alone in this insane behaviour, he poisons whoever comes in contact with him. Men want to punch him. Even those in authoritative positions respected in society feel their hormonal instincts as a man and they want to revert with a physical response. Woman get caught off guard and at first feel it’s manageable. Then I see them alter their view and their facial expression changes. They become antagonised and defensive. Most will excuse themselves from the conversation and run in the opposite direction. Some people catch onto his type of character and feel satisfied when they won’t allow him to monopolise them.

Once I saw who he was I couldn’t unsee it. When I was less and less in his company, with his travels overseas, the control I had allowed was no longer there. He had no power any more and I had gained my strength to get away from him.

If I was to unleash my thoughts and say to him what I thought about him. He would be like a vampire sucking blood and refuelling. He would soak in every word I speak, smirking using his false outer ego, trying to act like he’s righteous. It would empower him to he get a reaction, it would give him such satisfaction that he could see he has caused a response, so I never will.

I will not give him power. He is not entitled to know how I feel. I choose how I respond so that he has nothing over me. I am strong now, I know I am the better person in this story. Everyone sees it too. Now when I walk into the court I feel I am walking into a lions den. The difference now is that I am the Lion.

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