Learning what is ‘normal’ after an unbalanced relationship.

I run a company and live a vibrant life. However, I am quite traditional and therefore accept that the core of the domestic role in the home is my responsibility. My partner is a great cook and enjoys cooking most nights. I’m very grateful because cooking meals sometimes feels overwhelming and gives me anxiety. Probably because he is such a great cook and I just whip up traditional meals.

I think because of believing it’s my role to maintain the home, when my partner does contribute I’m partly feeling guilty, then my inner voice reminds me it’s a shared responsibility and I give away to these thoughts. He works very long hours so I’d like to think my contribution to making the home tick along well is a bonus for him to come home to. I’m conscious that resentment is unhealthy in a relationship and I think since I don’t have expectations for him to do lots around the house then I don’t feel resentment like I hear other partners put onto their men. Also since it’s not in my nature to be ‘on his case’ then perhaps that’s why he will just pitch in when he sees something needs to be done. I think I’m lucky though as he’s one of those guys that if you ask something it gets done. He never forgets and it’s straight away.

Being in a newish relationship (2yrs) after a long marriage I think it’s very important that I acknowledge what is intuitively my character and what aspects I don’t want to take with me from the pressure, manipulation and criticism of the previous relationship. I want to do things because it’s what I like, not what I feel obliged to do.

Like all of life, it’s always learning and finding a balance.

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